Really enlightening article, Gary, from an institutional perspective. I'm happy to have the acronym DARVO in my back pocket because it makes it a coherent and recognizable pattern, not just three separate behaviors. And the reversal of oppressor and victim is something particularly evident with Israel and Palestinians. Thanks for this.
Hi everybody -- I have noticed that we all are using these abbreviations - DARVO , LBGTQ , even DNC -- and that this is a bad trend for people communicating via web only . IN fact , it is an emergent form because of the typing game , but have you ever noticed that the abbreviations are about the MOST intensive part of the sentence or issue at hand ? Such as abbreviating an important law about tidal heights and rights of passage for fishermen and swimmers accessing the water ways ? Suddenly , that law has an ABC name , known only to insiders . That said , I actually think that we need to constantly refresh and re define issues as they develop , including DARVO , Deny Attack Reverse the Focus from Offender to Victim . Just because it is common , should it be made even more common by giving it a Coca Cola Label ? To me , that just integrates the actions as if they are a normal thing , and they are not . The second rape , when the victim goes to declare the violence , or the double indemnity , when the debt has to be paid twice over -- because of the unfair power between the parties in the original contract . I have been fascinated to learn about the Double Indemnity forced on Haiti , by France , and how it has made the people so amazingly strong . I was speaking to a Hatian man , and said it turns people into fer forge - Wrought Iron , because by being slammed and then slammed again , the easily breakable iron rod , becomes more and more tightly patterned in the molecular structure , and comes out unbreakable . Rather than identify what is going on with the abuser , the one who is actually betraying ( revealing ) the monster that lives inside the criminal , the victim is simply a rod of raw iron being turned into Fer Forge -- ( Fair For Jay ) would be how it is prounounced in french , because that is ultimately what betrayal does to a person , if they are able to step out of the confusion , and re structure their life again . Institutional Betrayal ? I would go so far to say that ALL institutions structure on betrayal , they all can't wait for that moment when they say " We " are more real than " You ." This reverence of the individual is perhaps typically a USA thing , but as a mother of four kids , and ten grand children , I can assure you that each one is their own total and complete self , standing alone , even before they are born . Even people who are co joined , retain this seperate ness of self hood , which is quite fascinating to me . Why did the twins not say "We married Him " -- rather " one married , and the other was her maid of honor " -- So ... sorry not sorry this is long - you know me , Gary - The issue of One Way , in the Christian Faith . I was listening to a pod cast where they were discussing this concept , -- are there many ways to salvation , or only one way ? And so I was contemplating the singularity issue -- and I realized that if one wants to scientifically pin point where is "Consciousness " which many christians call Christ Consciousness , one must go to look where there is such a singularity . I believe that our desire for singularity over rides our survival mechanism , even . It seems that I am going on a tangent , but I am not . Because in the actions of the Betrayor -- I now see the act of the betrayal not as a confrontation of the other , but rather a revelation of the actual belief that that criminal is structuring under . For example , France specifically was using the island of Haiti and the people to suck wealth from , so , that was their goal , and they just did it twice . And got away with it .
Inside of my broken family , after it was all over , the children's father said " It's all about intention " and ultimately , the criminal WANTS to betray ( Reveal ) their true intent and purpose that they had all along , to remain unbroken , to remain singular . Better to break another person and display the power of their game , than have to bifurcate and die .
At the little level , a neighbor puts fencing over their property line onto yours , so what . But when small children are eating dirt cookies to put something in their little bellies , I have no forgiveness - and know that the only way to stop the behavior is to become SELF REVEALING - in other words , reveal the reason why I am able to follow a singular path and not have to destroy others .
This balancing act , in my humble opinion , acted out by Philippe Petit when he walked a tight rope wire on the World Trade Towers , fearlessly , is what it is like -- so totally refined , so totally illegal , so totally dangerous , yet for some reason -- walking in the clouds . This is the way to fight the criminals , walk the singular path laid out for us .
Back to my original rant , DARVO sounds like and seems to spell DEVIL , and this we do not need to really focus on , it is not going to help . The purified light that makes the most chaotic scene in the world filled with peace and order , that is the filter we need to look through .
I always remember the situation I read about in the book "Don't Hug Your Mother" (Fintan and Gareth Murphy). The overall story is about "Parental Alienation" in which the husband/father of a family in Ireland pushed his wife/children's mother out of the picture and criminalized her reputation. Very common in Parental Alienation. Often with the help of weaponizing through Family Court, unfortunately. The children may be pulled into a Shared Psychosis with the alienating parent, who has one of the more severe forms of Cluster-B Disorder.
This is a version of Family Totalitarianism.
Anyway, there was a scene where one of the sons taken over by the Cluster-B father was purposely locked out of the family home -- which shocked him. I think he realized it was his herd/tribe betraying him. He developed Schizophrenia not long after. I thought that the betrayal from his Attachment figures, especially after the forced cutting of Attachment ties with his mother too, was just too much for him; he withdrew from reality.
I think also of the very unfortunate suicides found in cases where herds/tribes shun their previous members, such as with Mormons and Jehovah's Witness situations. The trauma of being arbitrarily shunned by Attachment figures seems to me similar to John Bowlby's Disorganized Attachment style being replayed. There may come a point at which it is just one replay too many.
Thank you so much for this one Gary. I am ever so certain that this is what repeatedly happened to me from both caregivers and institutions. DARVO really helped me understand.
Thanks, Gary. The notion of penitentiary, I have heard, was to give offenders time enough to go through defensiveness and denial. I remember an art project in a Portland prison. The artist gave the prisoners casting materials so they could make sculptures of their arms. In the process, some came to acknowledge their strengths relative to their victims and to understand harm they caused.
Really enlightening article, Gary, from an institutional perspective. I'm happy to have the acronym DARVO in my back pocket because it makes it a coherent and recognizable pattern, not just three separate behaviors. And the reversal of oppressor and victim is something particularly evident with Israel and Palestinians. Thanks for this.
Yes, really enlightening article!
Hi everybody -- I have noticed that we all are using these abbreviations - DARVO , LBGTQ , even DNC -- and that this is a bad trend for people communicating via web only . IN fact , it is an emergent form because of the typing game , but have you ever noticed that the abbreviations are about the MOST intensive part of the sentence or issue at hand ? Such as abbreviating an important law about tidal heights and rights of passage for fishermen and swimmers accessing the water ways ? Suddenly , that law has an ABC name , known only to insiders . That said , I actually think that we need to constantly refresh and re define issues as they develop , including DARVO , Deny Attack Reverse the Focus from Offender to Victim . Just because it is common , should it be made even more common by giving it a Coca Cola Label ? To me , that just integrates the actions as if they are a normal thing , and they are not . The second rape , when the victim goes to declare the violence , or the double indemnity , when the debt has to be paid twice over -- because of the unfair power between the parties in the original contract . I have been fascinated to learn about the Double Indemnity forced on Haiti , by France , and how it has made the people so amazingly strong . I was speaking to a Hatian man , and said it turns people into fer forge - Wrought Iron , because by being slammed and then slammed again , the easily breakable iron rod , becomes more and more tightly patterned in the molecular structure , and comes out unbreakable . Rather than identify what is going on with the abuser , the one who is actually betraying ( revealing ) the monster that lives inside the criminal , the victim is simply a rod of raw iron being turned into Fer Forge -- ( Fair For Jay ) would be how it is prounounced in french , because that is ultimately what betrayal does to a person , if they are able to step out of the confusion , and re structure their life again . Institutional Betrayal ? I would go so far to say that ALL institutions structure on betrayal , they all can't wait for that moment when they say " We " are more real than " You ." This reverence of the individual is perhaps typically a USA thing , but as a mother of four kids , and ten grand children , I can assure you that each one is their own total and complete self , standing alone , even before they are born . Even people who are co joined , retain this seperate ness of self hood , which is quite fascinating to me . Why did the twins not say "We married Him " -- rather " one married , and the other was her maid of honor " -- So ... sorry not sorry this is long - you know me , Gary - The issue of One Way , in the Christian Faith . I was listening to a pod cast where they were discussing this concept , -- are there many ways to salvation , or only one way ? And so I was contemplating the singularity issue -- and I realized that if one wants to scientifically pin point where is "Consciousness " which many christians call Christ Consciousness , one must go to look where there is such a singularity . I believe that our desire for singularity over rides our survival mechanism , even . It seems that I am going on a tangent , but I am not . Because in the actions of the Betrayor -- I now see the act of the betrayal not as a confrontation of the other , but rather a revelation of the actual belief that that criminal is structuring under . For example , France specifically was using the island of Haiti and the people to suck wealth from , so , that was their goal , and they just did it twice . And got away with it .
Inside of my broken family , after it was all over , the children's father said " It's all about intention " and ultimately , the criminal WANTS to betray ( Reveal ) their true intent and purpose that they had all along , to remain unbroken , to remain singular . Better to break another person and display the power of their game , than have to bifurcate and die .
At the little level , a neighbor puts fencing over their property line onto yours , so what . But when small children are eating dirt cookies to put something in their little bellies , I have no forgiveness - and know that the only way to stop the behavior is to become SELF REVEALING - in other words , reveal the reason why I am able to follow a singular path and not have to destroy others .
This balancing act , in my humble opinion , acted out by Philippe Petit when he walked a tight rope wire on the World Trade Towers , fearlessly , is what it is like -- so totally refined , so totally illegal , so totally dangerous , yet for some reason -- walking in the clouds . This is the way to fight the criminals , walk the singular path laid out for us .
Back to my original rant , DARVO sounds like and seems to spell DEVIL , and this we do not need to really focus on , it is not going to help . The purified light that makes the most chaotic scene in the world filled with peace and order , that is the filter we need to look through .
I always remember the situation I read about in the book "Don't Hug Your Mother" (Fintan and Gareth Murphy). The overall story is about "Parental Alienation" in which the husband/father of a family in Ireland pushed his wife/children's mother out of the picture and criminalized her reputation. Very common in Parental Alienation. Often with the help of weaponizing through Family Court, unfortunately. The children may be pulled into a Shared Psychosis with the alienating parent, who has one of the more severe forms of Cluster-B Disorder.
This is a version of Family Totalitarianism.
Anyway, there was a scene where one of the sons taken over by the Cluster-B father was purposely locked out of the family home -- which shocked him. I think he realized it was his herd/tribe betraying him. He developed Schizophrenia not long after. I thought that the betrayal from his Attachment figures, especially after the forced cutting of Attachment ties with his mother too, was just too much for him; he withdrew from reality.
I think also of the very unfortunate suicides found in cases where herds/tribes shun their previous members, such as with Mormons and Jehovah's Witness situations. The trauma of being arbitrarily shunned by Attachment figures seems to me similar to John Bowlby's Disorganized Attachment style being replayed. There may come a point at which it is just one replay too many.
Very interesting, thanks for this... lots to muse on,... and tragic!
Thank you so much for this one Gary. I am ever so certain that this is what repeatedly happened to me from both caregivers and institutions. DARVO really helped me understand.
Thanks, Gary. The notion of penitentiary, I have heard, was to give offenders time enough to go through defensiveness and denial. I remember an art project in a Portland prison. The artist gave the prisoners casting materials so they could make sculptures of their arms. In the process, some came to acknowledge their strengths relative to their victims and to understand harm they caused.